You Know You Are a Cop When

You know you are a cop when:

You have the bladder capacity of two people.

You have put handcuffs on someone & it wasn’t for fun.

You believe that most people you meet are a waste of valuable air.

Your idea of a good time is a “Man with a gun” call.

You conduct a background check on everyone you meet..

You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac & birth control pills.

You believe 10% of what you hear & 50% of what you see.

You believe the state should require a permit to reproduce.

You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it is located.

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: ” Suicide; Get it right the first time.”

You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably.

You think caffeine should be available in IV form.!

You believe anyone who says,” I only had two beers” is going to blow more than the legal limit

Anyone has ever said to you, “There are people killing other people out there and you are here screwing with me.”

People flag you down on the street & ask you directions to strange places…and you know where it is located.

You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while doing a fatal car accident report.

You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession. (ISN’T THIS THE TRUTH)

You walk into a place& people think it’s high comedy to grab their buddy & shout, “They’ve come to get you!”

You do not see daylight from November until May.

People shout, “I didn’t do it!” when you walk into a room & think they are being incredibly funny & original.

A week’s worth of laundry consists of five T-shirts, five pairs of socks, & five pairs of underwear.

You have ever referred to Tuesday as “my weekend”, or “this is my Friday”.

You have ever written off a bullet proof vest as a business deduction.

You believe that horrifying evils will come to pass you if anyone says, “Boy, it sure is quiet tonight.”

Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you.

You find humor in other people’s stupidity.

You have left more unfinished meals on the restaurant table than you have eaten.

You feel good when you hear, “these handcuffs are too tight”.